There is plenty to be apprehensive about when you have two children only 18 months apart. That life might become an endless cycle of changing nappies, that you will never get eight hours sleep again, that you will forever be losing a battle with the laundry basket, that your back will feel broken with constantly carrying one of your children at any given time, what you will do on rainy afternoons. And then there’s going to the supermarket.

Somehow, I’ve managed to avoid having to take both Milin and Jasmin to the supermarket with me on my own until now. I used to love taking Milin to the grocery shopping when he was a little baby. He’d love the florescent lights and movement of being pushed around in the trolley, and I’d love the comments we’d get from admiring cashiers. It was an easy outing, a fail-safe way of filling in an afternoon, an activity even.

But I’ve dreaded taking the two of my little ones. What if one starts screaming and then the other plays up? What if Milin won’t sit in the trolley and I have to run around after him while also pushing Jasmin? What if there aren’t any toddler/baby trolleys?

And then, yesterday afternoon, I decided it was time.

And it wasn’t long before I realised, I shouldn’t have worried. Both Milin and Jasmin were on their best behaviour. Jasmin loved being pushed around, with the movement of the buggy soothing her and the lights, colours and people giving her plenty to look at. I weakly succumbed when Milin asked for a book from the shelf and he spent the entire visit reading his new purchase and telling me about the monsters on the pages. I even, and I know I shouldn’t have, felt smug when people commented on their good behaviour.

There were the admiring glances from supermarket shoppers, comments on how well behaved they were, and plenty of cooing over the little baby and her big brother from strangers. Milin got to hand the cashier my card, he looked at another shopper and said “funny lady” to her (she didn’t mind, luckily), and overall, it was a success.

I know not every supermarket run will go as smoothly, but I’m relieved the first one did. On a cold, dark afternoon, it was the perfect activity to get us out of the house. The kids loved it, and I loved the little step I took to getting my independence back again.

It’s been baby steps, adjusting to life with two. I’ve been lucky enough to have my parents or Tony around so much that I’ve probably taken the little steps slower than most. I wasn’t left alone with both Milin and Jasmin for ages. My c-section meant I didn’t drive them anywhere alone or  even push them around in the buggy alone, for some weeks.

But with every step I take I realise how much life is getting easier. We have been a little family of four now for four and a half months. Looking back, there is no doubt that every day is a little bit easier than the last. Leaving home is more simple, co-ordinating meal times or getting up in the morning is more straight forward, the logistics of all of this is becoming less of a challenge. We are coping, we are doing this, we are figuring it all out. I can do the supermarket, and it’s fine. I can get us all out of the door and home again, and it’s fine. I can handle two children, sometimes, and it’s fine. I can do this.